Jarlaxle's Valentine Extravaganza
by Shadowgirl1
Summary: Jarlaxle is intrigued by a Valentine’s Day so he decides to throw a party for Bregan D’aerthe. References characters from a longer work though, they are considerably OOC, and another 'holiday special'. A 'just for fun' read.


**Disclaimer:** Jarlaxle and Entreri are not mine and neither is the organization of Bregan D'aerthe or Menzoberranzan. Some characters are mine…yet they seem to prefer each other to me. Happy VD! (Valentine's Day, minds out of the gutter please)

"I can't believe that you are seriously considering doing this again," Kimmuriel Oblodra mumbled, going through some figures. "The 'Christmas' party was an unnecessary drain on our resources."

"Yet if I recall Kimmuriel you still had a lovely time with some of those 'Christmas angels,'" Jarlaxle said with a sly grin.

"How did you…oh never mind, I learned long ago that you have means of seeing everything," Kimmuriel said with a shake of his head.

"Tell me, are we still maintaining a surplus in our finances?"

"Yes," Kimmuriel said begrudgingly.

"Splendid," Jarlaxle said. "In that case the festivities will occur as planned. And besides, I have thought of a new business endeavor that will not only sweeten teeth, but sweeten our profits as well."

"Go on."

"I was told about candy hearts that have messages on them, such as _I love you_, _Call me_, and so on…what if we did likewise, except marketed it for the different races? The Surface elves would appreciate _Blessed Nature_ or _Praise Corellon_. The humans would be taken by the endearment sayings and our kind would look at the hearts as sweet victory, especially if they read _Lloth Rules_ or _Spider Kiss_," Jarlaxle explained.

Kimmuriel pondered. "This is a marketing venture that just _may_ work. I'll speak with the chefs and dispatch a research contingent to look into prospective buyers." He bowed and left the room, a smile on his face.

Jarlaxle had been talking to that human again and this time he had learned about a concept called _Valentine's Day_.

Word had quickly spread about the ensuing festivities and Jarian was quite enamored with the holiday.

"What a brilliant idea!" Jarian paced excitedly in his tailoring room, pausing every so often to make adjustments on his servants' outfits.

"I agree," Maskah said, "it is a holiday that celebrates love in all its forms. Passion can be renewed and love reignited."

"It's commercial uses are also of note," Kaifas said, "I've never seen drow take to chocolate in such a ravenous manner before!"

Shytolin licked his lips. "I like chocolate! Master Jarian has such clever ways of eating it!"

Jarian wiped a stray drop of chocolate from Shytolin's neck. "I missed a spot," he said slyly, before he suckled his finger.

Maskah and Kaifas grinned wickedly in response.

"Now, if only I could get Artemis to enjoy the holiday," Jarian said. "He would be such a delicious chocolate treat! Then again, he tastes good without any additional layers. I wonder if he has a sweet tooth…?"

For the record, Artemis Entreri did not have a sweet tooth. Even if he did enjoy the chocolate he acquired from the human, he was not about to go soft. He made sure to thoroughly check the chocolate before eating, lest it contain a 'surprise', it had passed through Jarlaxle's hands after all. When a rose scented parchment was slipped hastily under his door, he expected the worse.

He carefully broke the heart-shaped seal and leapt back in a defensive position when a crimson faerie fire image of Jarlaxle manifested from the letter.

"_Greetings, my dear Bregan D'aerthe member! You are cordially invited to Jarlaxle's Valentine Extravaganza! Attendance and formal dress are required, **no exceptions**. Special tailoring is offered by Jarian and his attendants, so please make an appointment early, requests for his services are going fast! The festivity will take place this evening in the main audience chamber where refreshments will be served. Passion and romance are guaranteed!_"

Entreri watched the letter dissolve into petals and let loose an annoyed sigh. He wished attendance at these frivolous events was optional. A scratch at the door interrupted his thoughts. "Who is it?"

Silence answered his inquiry, but he opened the door regardless, dagger at the ready.

_Squeak! Squeak!_

"Tazolg," Jarian's mouse familiar fluttered its faerie wings excitedly, "let me guess, Jarian has sent you?"

_Squeak!_

The affirmative squeak caused Entreri to knowingly nod. "Judging by the red ribbon you are carrying, he wishes to make an outfit for me?"

_Squeakity squeak squeak!_

"You can tell him that I am not interested," Entreri said, "nor will I ever be interested."

…._squeak_.

"Don't take that sad tone with me," Entreri said sternly. "It's not going to work."

Kimmuriel Oblodra walked by his chamber and raised an eyebrow. "Are you talking to that…thing?"

"No," Entreri said, shooing it out of his room with an annoyed wave of his hand. "It was just delivering a message."

"I see," Kimmuriel said. Noticing the remnants of the letter, "well, do not forget the message that Jarlaxle has delivered. He expects everyone to be there whether they like it or not."

Entreri folded his arms, glaring at the drow. There was no love between them, but he had a feeling that he was not looking forward to the 'extravaganza' either.

The evening finally arrived and the audience chamber was decorated in a scarlet fervor. Drinks were adorned with faerie fire hearts, various pastries rested comfortably on spider silk table cloths, plush pillows lined obsidian walls, and large curtains were situated in various parts of the festive chamber…providing a measure of privacy for those who felt the need to express their love during the course of the evening.

Jarlaxle smiled widely at finished product and congratulated Jarian. "A fine job you've done! You are a proficient decorator as well as a talented tailor. You've clearly outdone yourself."

Jarian savored the compliments, resting his head fondly against Jarlaxle's arm. "Well, I couldn't have done it without my favorite servants and the delectable crew you provided."

Jarlaxle chuckled. "This will be a fine evening indeed." Readying a crossbow and some special arrows, "I look forward to playing Cupid."

Members of Bregan D'aerthe filed in, wearing the required finery. Entreri snuck in with a drow, Navor, hoping to lie low and not attract the attention of their host or his 'party helpers'. Entreri smoothed his freshly cleaned tunic and used his silken cloak to mask his presence like a phantom.

"The wine, where is the wine?" Navor stayed close to the walls, intent on getting enough alcohol in his system to forget the evening yet still maintain his faculties.

"The table next to the pastries," Entreri said. He gave a skeptical look to the frosted pastries, his mind anticipating the various enchantments Jarlaxle's wizards placed in the icing. Entreri didn't trust their innocent aroma and was convinced the punch bowl possessed an ominous sparkle.

Navor snagged a bottle for himself and passed one to Entreri.

"ARTEMIS!!"

Navor disappeared and Entreri searched for an exit strategy, finding none he steeled himself for the inevitable confrontation. His eyesight was assaulted by a crimson atrocity and his scarlet entourage. Jarian and his servants wore toga-like bottoms that were made of a filmy fabric that left little to the imagination. Mithril colored sandals adorned their feet and laces ran up their legs, appearing to writhe when they moved. Their bare chests possessed a red tinted sparkle that hinted at glitter and feathered wings clung to their backs, giving the illusion of flight as they fluttered.

"What do you want, Jarian?"

"I see you're wearing an outfit I made for you," Jarian said with a smile. "Pity that you did not choose to match and wear the special outfit I would have created for this event."

"The invitation said to dress formally," Entreri explained, "and somehow, all of my other clothing was mysteriously sent out to be cleaned."

"What an unusual coincidence," Jarian said with a wide smile.

"Yes, unusual," Entreri said, edging away.

"Do you like our outfits???"

Entreri regarded Shytolin with a raised eyebrow. "They are outfits unlike any I have ever seen."

Maskah posed with Kaifas, "then you like them."

Entreri just grunted and edged away from them, nearly bumping into Kimmuriel.

"Watch it, human," Kimmuriel growled.

"You watch yourself," Entreri growled back.

Jarlaxle spied the group from afar and readied his crossbow. He let loose the first arrow, its form dissolving into a red mist between Maskah and Kaifas. The two drow locked eyes, then lips and headed for one of the curtained areas, dragging Shytolin with them.

"Where are you going?" Jarian's eyes widened at the lust he sensed from his servants. He cast a desirous look Entreri's way before he followed his servants.

Another arrow was loosed and Kimmuriel sensed its presence. "Down!"

The arrow snagged in a curtain above them, causing it to crash down. The arrow's magical mist dissipated into sparkles that rained down on them. The drow and human struggled under the fabric's weight, disentangling themselves further within the curtain's innards.

"What the hells was that for?!" Entreri seethed, pushing the drow off of him. Certain parts of their body had met for an intimate embrace. He reached for his dagger, but unfortunately Jarlaxle had confiscated his weapons at the entrance.

"One of Jarlaxle's magical items," Kimmuriel said. "I could sense it coming, but couldn't avoid its effects."

Entreri's senses were fogged and he felt an unusual warmth rising from his body. "Magical item?!"

"It apparently is linking us together," Kimmuriel said, struggling to concentrate through the fog's blur, "binding our etheric cords and infusing us with passion."

"Can you reverse its effects?" Entreri's voice dropped to a husky level as he approached the drow.

"I'm working on it," Kimmuriel said, intensely staring at the human.

After a few moments, the psionist had managed to sever the cords that bound them together and dampen the arrow's effects.

Entreri panted and wiped his brow, taking a long swig of the bottle of wine he managed to nab. He offered to the drow, not bothering to look at him. "This never happened."

"Right," Kimmuriel said, taking the bottle.

"He's probably watching the entrance to these curtains," Entreri said.

"More than likely," Kimmuriel said. "We'll give it an hour and make him think his plan worked. By then we'll have avoided any other stray arrows. I can then teleport us out of here."

Entreri folded his arms and nodded.

It was going to be a long night.

By the end of the extravaganza, many of the partygoers were laid out in blissful revelry. Jarlaxle navigated among them, fully sated and out of arrows. He peeked into many of the curtained areas, smiling fondly as Jarian thanked him profusely for the party. He approached the final curtained area and chuckled at its emptiness.

"By Lloth, I should have known better than to put _them_ in the same curtain," he murmured. With another chuckle, "I am, however, amazed that they worked so well together."

Content with his work, Jarlaxle sauntered to another curtained area, intent on some morning exercise.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I just couldn't resist a Valentine Special!! The Muses were rather insistent on its completion. If anything, they were able to wrangle the plot bunnies nibbling on my creative senses. Thanks for reading!! I love you all::_hugs_::

:**_Hands you a candy heart that reads, PLEASE REVIEW_**:

_Jarlaxle_: "The party was such a success! I can't wait to organize more celebrations!"

_Kimmuriel_: "More?? We don't have that kind of budget-

_Jarian_: "Sure we do! We just ask the Authoress!"

_Maskah, Kaifas, Shytolin_:dancing about: "That's right, she treats us well."

_Authoress_: "Um…what?" :hides dollar bills:

_Entreri_: "Why am I even here?"

_Kimmuriel_: "When did I become a Muse???"

_Entreri_: "I ask myself that very same question…"


End file.
